After 2 months…

Next week, on 4th of July will be 2 months I’ve been working in MQA. Everything seems smooth to me. At least, I’ve realized, I’ve been longing for this position for a long time…. I want this, and i have to do this sincerely. For the first month, i struggle to coop with the work load and the nature of my work. Honestly I don’t mingle much with my colleaque. Not because I’m sombong or what, but i just trying to get away from hearing any grapevine. Although i’m missing the hectic in RMC, how I used to yell jokingly to Kak Nojie, but I think deeply enough to do that attitude in MQA. I cant show them my other side of me, the ‘happy’ me coz i think that will make myself cross the line of profesionallisme. I’ve to mantain it, though deep down, i’m lonely.

Hmm…..This week is a tiresome week. Starting from monday i have to attend a whole day meeting, with a very unfocused mind coz i’ve thinking of plenty or many things to be settle, then my boss gave a quote about me to our big boss. “The New girl is a fast learner, efficient and a bit sharp”. Ok, boss. I’m really happy  and aprreciate you compliment, however it freaking me out. I’m not used of compliment, only criticism. I remember in my old work place, someone, superior but i didn’t accept him/her as my bosses. Just a superior. Him/her always criticized me, and never satisfy with my work. Even I’m trying my best to avoid mistakes, but they will surely try to find it, and then when they cant find anything, they will say, “this is not what we discussed it”, and i have to do it all over again. What the hell?????

I’m hurt and their words are my trauma. Dang!!!

Here, i can feel that my efficiency while i was a student came back. The work style is similar. I’ve been more focused and i will make sure that all my works done and done it well. Although there s a few mistakes done due to my carelessness, but I really appreciate that all my bosses and colleaque do taught me well. My department are running out of staff, due to our burden but we try to make it as perfect as it can be.

Thank you god, for this oppurtunity that you have given me and thank you once again for granting my wish. Alhamdulillah.

New job… New environment……

Today is my third week in MQA…. Before this, i’m thinking of writing it in this blog, however do not have the time and idea to write anything in it. Hurmm….

I’ve been offered as an admin officer in MQA. After a few series of tough interviews (can be considered as it), I managed to place myself as one of their P&P’s. During waiting for the result, is actually a hard time for me. How i struggle to survive in order to calm myself down in RMC. Fighting with my inner demon, not to loose my temper as someone is getting my nerve…..

Now, I am really grateful and blessed. My hope and patient has finally been rewarded. Finally i’ve got what i’ve been yearning this whole years. I’ve got this post, and today i’ve been assigned to “unit khidmat pengurusan” and after a while, they’ll establish a new unit - unit khidmat pelanggan…. wuaahhh!!! my TKPE told the others; “remember her coz she was specially selected”, woaa…. i’m freakin’ out right now as i have to give my best to their trust on me. at least, i’ve proven that i’m not as bad as someone think while in rmc.

Actually i’ve been called for an interview of permanent post back in upm. As a publication officer. I am reluctant to go, however deepdown i feel that it is worth it. Honestly, i really miss my old friends in RMC. I miss their attitude and their craziness. I really miss wani, my best buddy. Still here, i cant adapt with some of the girls. The way they chit chat, they talk and the issue that they are chatting, i can’t understand it. It really makes me feel alienated. Two weeks of induction, still i cant be close with them. They told me i’m too reserved. Maybe I am, but i’m trying…..

will be continue…….

KEBAHAGIAAN YANG KU CARI……

Dulu… masa seorang yang ku anggap sebagai bapa aku mentafsirkan erti mencari kebahagiaannya sendiri, aku selalu tidak setuju. Aku tidak setuju dengan cara dia mencipta kebahagiaannya…Pandanganku berbeza dan tafsiran terhadap erti kebahagiaan sangat berbeza dengannya. Katanya “kita tidak boleh mengharapkan org lain memberikan kita kebahagiaan…kita kena cipta sendiri kebahagiaan itu”. Masa tu aku marah, meluat pun ada. Padaku caranya salah… tapi tidak sampai hati utuk menempelaknya, aku cuma mendiamkan diri. Agak lama aku menyepi, dan membiarkan sahaja, kerana aku sendiri memerlukan secebis kebahagiaan untuk diriku sendiri.

Setelah beberapa tahun berlalu…dan bermacam-macam liku-liku kehidupan yang aku tempuh, namun, setelah aku menyedari pelangi yang ingin ku gapai masih jauh dari genggaman, akhirnya aku memahami erti tersirat dari kata-kata ‘bapa’ku itu. Ya, setelah perpisahan yang kesekian kalinya, aku akhirnya menemui kebahagian dan cinta sejatiku. Kala ini, aku semakin tidak peduli tohmahan dan kutukan dari orang lain. Aku tidak lagi peduli faktor umur, dan dia juga tidak menjadikan itu alas an untuk tidak menyukai aku… “You are the only person that I can be my ownself,besides my family”. Itu ayat yang sering digunapakai apabila aku bertanyakan mengapa aku pilihannya.

Pernah aku ditanya, adakah ini pilihanku yang terakhir, atau aku sekadar ingin mencuba nasib…. Terkedu aku seketika. Begitu terukkah aku, hingga pilihanku dalam mencari secebis kebahagiaan bersama bakal suamiku disalah erti? Umur? Persetankan dengan perbezaan umur itu…Sedangkan kedua ibu bapa kami merestui hubungan ini, mengapa orang-orang begitu cemburu dengan kebahagiaan yang ingin kami cipta? Hai, hati orang, pandangan orang…Kalau diturutkan, sampai bila aku takkan jumpa dengan ‘My True Love’.

Kagum dengan dirinya, betapa cekalnya dia, menahan segala kutukan orang (walaupun di belakang, kami tetap mengetahuinya). Dianggap perampas, perosak hubungan orang lain, dan aku dituduh curang. Tapi, hati ini bukan boleh dipaksa. Untuk apa aku bertahan andai si lelaki (hubungan dahulu)tidak bersedia untuk berkahwin… Dan untuk apa aku bertahan andai aku terasa seperti diri ini kurang dihargai dan dihormati. Biarlah orang tuduh aku curang, walau sebenarnya hanya Allah sahaja yang mengetahui apa yang berada di dalam hati ini.

Hanya dia (yang kini menjadi tunanganku), mampu untuk menahan segala dugaan itu bersamaku. Dan buat pertama kali, aku mendengar ucapan dari seorang lelaki, yang pada pandangan orang lain masih muda, mengakui bahawa dia bersedia untuk mengambil aku sebagai suri hidupnya, bersedia untuk menjalinkan satu ikatan yang sah bersamaku. Faktor-faktor seperti pekerjaan, wang dan lain-lain, akan diusahakan. Hanya pintanya, biar hubungan kami ini diredhai oleh Yang Maha Esa….kerana, itu yang sebaik-baiknya. Kekurangan wang, bukan halangan untuk kami. Dia yakin, bahawa rezeki ada di mana-mana. Hanya kami yang perlu berusaha… Dan Yang Maha Esa Maha Pemurah dan Penyayang…..

Kini, aku semakin bersemangat setelah ku rasakan bahawa aku semakin mendekati kebahagiaan (tafsiranku). Dan aku berdoa agar dan dia sentiasa dipanjangkan umur dan dimurahkan rezeki dalam persediaan kami menempuh hidup berdua. Amin….

Me and My Life….and also…parents!!!

I bet most of my readers started to feel bored with my nonsense… Write all about me…me…me….. But i dont care. This is the purpose of me creating this blog…. To write what i feel, and what inside my heart…. Don’t care what people might think, coz i am tired thinking bout other people. I need some space for my own self….

Drama….Its always around us.sometimes,when i read a book, or watched television, movies or sort of, i think back… Our life is usually full of drama. Either we ourselves created it and directs it, or we want other people to control our lives, its up to us. i’ve heard too much drama from my family, my friends and my colleague. I too have my own directed drama. It up to other people to judge us.

Something about my past suddenly gives me goosebumps. I used to write about a girl….whom i called a ‘bitch’ in my older post. A nightmare to my life…. The one who represents ‘the pandora box’, beautifuland grace, but evil and malicious in the inside…. Her betrayal, and her jealousy to me, makes me suffering… She would whatever it takes to make me in trouble, even making stories behind my back.

Why I’m suddenly talked bout her? It is because she suddenly asked to be one of my friend list in facebook. Has her no shame at all? At first i accept her, as i do not realise that it is her…Until after i have accepted her, i realised i’ve made a very big mistake. I realise its her. How disgusting…. I sent a message, asking her to leave me alone (of course she don’t reply it, or i give her a ‘good’ words), but it really gives me creeps. Please bitch, leave me alone. I hate you and i don’t need you in my live.

Okay, stop about that.   I wanted to write about mothers’ love in this post… Why? It is because i really adores my mother. Her sacrifice for both her children, are really undeniable, and cant be replace. no matter what you do, how terrible you makes her hurt, in the end, when you have no one to turn to, or who you become, only a mother would accept you or welcome you back with an open arms, and smiling face.

I used to makes my mother hurt, and makes her disappointed in me. I regret that… but, later, i realised, when i left alone, no friends to turn to, no boyfriend could help me with my misery, only my mother and family who accept me. Whenever i am sick, no friends would come to me. Only my mother and father…. That makes me realise, how we hate our parents, only their love would last long. We can love our partner to the fullest, but family is more important, because their love remains until end of our life. We cant guarantee that our partner would love us until end of our life, but parents, yes! Sometimes we disagree with our parents, but that doesn’t gives us the ticket to be disrespects to them. I hate to hear somebody telling they arguing with their parents, takes their belongings and get away from their family. It is not going to solve the problems…. I’ve been through that phase, but all our family problems solve after we discuss it….. and also i take my own time to think back my actions…..

My life now….i am happy…really happy with my life. I have a loving fiancee, a perfect parents and siblings (including my naughty but adorable nieces and nephews) and jobs that i love. Although i am having some difficulties in my job, but it is normal. Where ever you go to work, it always have a problem or an issues…. It is really normal. I just have to be patient until i have a permanent post. I am looking to buy a house….. I hope my life would be okay and be blessed all the time… Amin….

Tribute to my life……

Hmm…Think that it’s quite a while that I didn’t update my dear friendster’s blog… Which actually I have another blog which I can talking crap (http://www.desweetrenee.blogspot.com). Thinks I’ve messed up with my mood of writing. Have the idea but don’t have much to spill out. Usually I would write depends to my mood, and my writing is quite good when I feel quite shabby or solemn. But, nowadays, I’m quite happy with my life, and that makes me will write nonsense. Trying to share my happiness with everybody and in the end I would talk crap.

Ila have gave to a baby boy. What a handsome boy her son is. Mohd Aqil Khalish (correct me if I’m wrong with his name). I’m really happy for her. Truly, she’s one of my best friends that I really appreciate her in my life. When I got the news from his husband, me, sasa and my beloved fiancé went straight away to the Sg. Buloh Medical Centre to see her and his son. When we arrived, Farah and her family was already there. Her kids were sleeping, one in Farah’s arms, and Yaya in her dad’s. How lovely, and this visit seems like a reunion for us, as we barely have the time to hang around together. Only Dil not there, as we tried to give her a call but to no avail. She didn’t pick up the phone…. How sad…Sob!Sob!…

Looking at Ila, and her growling (sorry dear!hehehe!) about how painful her delivering experiences to s, makes me think… Can I bear the pain when my times come? I know my body; I am weak actually in facing pain. Could I look healthy while I am pregnant…? This thought is already scared me to death…. Ila and Farah, I blame both of you for telling me this kind of scary stories… I’m actually not ready to know…Hehehe, but I know their intention is for me and sasa to get ready… Hahaha… Woit, aku kawin pun belum, korang dah takutkan. Mana aci!!!

Ermm… Seems for me that my days now is full with calm and happy moments. My fiancé actually have started his new semester as a PLK student in UiTM. He takes Business Management-Marketing for his degree. Huhuhu…. From Science to Business… He is adapting the new environment, but I think he’ll be ok. It is much easier from microbiology, and I know he will not be regret to this.

Actually I’ve flunked for the 3^rd time my PTD Assesment. Seem that my luck is still not there. There are many more people greater than me. Quite frustrated but I need to overcome this feeling. Failure usually gives me the urge to put more effort in gaining or achieving what I wanted. I used to fail for so many times, and I won’t give up so that easily. I know that I need to find a way for success… and I believe that with patience and effort, my waiting would finally been paid. For this time, I just have to be patient, and can’t let the failure overwhelmed me….

Please my friends, do pray for my success… and thank you for all who have encourage me all this while…. I really owed all of you on that.I am really praying, hoping that I will get a permanent post in the government, as I’ve been longing to work as a government servant from the start. (What a lame ambition). See all of you in next write-up… -end-

Gua Musang Eko Challenge 2008

Rasa macam dah lama sangat tak update blog ni. Selalu sangat x der masa… hari ni baru balik dari Gua Musang. Mood pun tak berapa baik bila sampai kat rumah. Mungkin terlampau letih. Tak tahu macammana nak gambarkan betapa bersyukur aku dapat peluang ni untuk join program tu. Walaupun tak banyak aku dapat bantu (sebab aku datang lambat), sekurang-kurangnya aku dapat belajar… Dan aku bawak sayangku sekali, dan juga Adib kerana aku tahu mereka berkongsi minat denganku. Rasa bertuah sangat2… Tapi aku tahu, masalah aku aku susah nak bagi komitmen sebab aku bekerja, dan kerja ku x tentu tahap kesibukannya. Dan aku tahu juga itu  yang akan menghalang aku dari nak capai level 3. Huhuhu!! Tengoklah macammana…. Akan ku cuba jugak nanti.

Balik dari Gua Musang tu, singgah cameron highlands (since cameron agak dekat dengan gua musang). Belila macam2  sayur-sayuran dan juga buah limau. Sedihnya, tempat aku selalu beli strawberrytu, strawberry dia dah abih. X perla, x der rezeki kami….  Lepas tu turun, makan kat hentian tapah…Dan sekarang, aku sangat bersyukur kerana dapat pengalaman semua ini. Dan juga selamat pulang ke rumah. Alhamdulillah!!!

Twilight – The Best Love Genre Movie That I’ve Ever Seen

I always fond to vampires…. Dunno why, but I always thought that these kind of ‘humans’ are very cool. I always like to see their movies…however always been disappointed to how the stories goes. Crucifix…coffins…stakes…Christianity…a typical Americans vampires movies that always been showed.

These creatures or I rather called them ‘the cold humans’ are always described as beautiful, cool, eccentric and charming in some way, but extremely dangerous. They enjoy the scent of human blood; and enjoy the taste also. Yes, they envy us, ordinary human, as their meal. But I really admire them so much. Am I a weirdo?

Yesterday, watching twilight with my fiancée….The first thought that come to my mind, the typical love and vampire’s movies that I always watched. However, my thoughts are untrue. The plot is totally different than before. I really in love with the main character. Both the heroes (Edward Cullen; with his eccentric and wicked smile) and Bella (the innocent girl who doesn’t care that Edward is a vampire). I never realized that this movie has its own book, (Stephanie Meyer), but I willbuy the sequel cause I really into this story…. Bubu..Don’t get mad with me..Hehehe…

I won’t spoil the thrill about this movie though. Or else Sasa will get mad on me. But I suggest all to watch this movie, as this movie is not the typical romance story. Hope all of you will enjoy it as how I love it. 5 star for twilight….

Huh!!! Being Left Alone Again!!!

Malam tadi ikut ‘my boo’ ke dinner fakulti di Shang-ri La Putrajaya. Dalam kepala yang macam nak pecah, aku gagahkan jugak pegi ke sana. walaupun makanan malam tadi nampak mcm sedap, tapi aku tak lalu nak makan. Sampai la aku mengeluarkan semua angin2 yang bertapa dalam badan, barula aku boleh makan balik…… Lepas tu siap kawan-kawan dia usik lagi, “oit…x benti2 makan dari tadi”, hehehe sorilah kengkawan…Aku x makan aper dari siang. Of coursela aku melantak sakan. Hehehe…yang cik abang aku tu pulak, tengok jer. But, dia memang pandai menari la, sebab tu dia excited semalam. Suka aku tengok dia menari. Memang dia penari semulajadi…huhuhu!!! dan juga mesti jadi pilihan untuk ‘prince’ of the nite. hai nasib badan!!!

Oklah, sebenarnya coretan kali ini adalah untuk menceritakan bagaimana sakitnya jiwa aku apabila datang2 opis pg ni, dapat berita yang mengatakan seorang lagi ‘colleague’ aku nak berenti. Hishh…si Mdm D…Yelah, rezeki korang. Pegila…pegi cepat sikit. Tinggalkan aku sengsorang kat Publication unit ni dgn ular-ular kat dlm ni. Biar aku mati kena patuk. Sabar jelah. Sakit betul jiwa aku…Hishhh…..tak boleh nak tulis dah. geram sangat. -end-

A new house… A new beginning….

Alhamdulillah…. Sejak aku bertunang ni, rezeki ku makin bertambah. Banyak gila offer kerja yang aku dapat. Kontrak aku di RMC pun, Alhamdulillah, disambungkan. Aku antara orang yang terawal terima surat tawaran sambung kontrak. Aku dapat offer dari karangkraf, aku dapat offer dari satu syarikat consultant. Syukur Ya Allah.

Dah seminggu aku pindah ke serdang lama. Orang yang angkat barang tu naik pelik, sebab dari rumah teres 2 tingkat aku pindah pegi apartment low cost. Tapi disebabkan rumah sekarang ni sgt dekat dgn tempat kerja (walaupun balik jauh) ngan murah…. aku tak kisah. Perit sebenarnya menanggung kos sewa ngan minyak kereta selama ni. Dan disebabkan aku dah nak kawin, dan kekangan kewangan zaman sekarang, aku terpaksala pindah. Huhuhu…

Rumah baru ni, kawasan setakat oklah. Jiran-jiran pun baik, tapi persekitaran much more better dari Klang… Bersih, sebab ada orang sapu sekeliling rumah. Cuma bau….setanggi ngan colok jiran-jiran aku…. Erk!!!!! takpela. nanti ader duit, aku cari deodorizer… letak dalam rumah. hehe……

Menjadi tunang orang sekarang ni, huhuhu…Banyak ajar aku erti bersabar sebenarnya. Mana yang tahu cerita lama aku, sumer pahamkan? Arms my fiancee…..thanx coz you are so understanding. To all my friends, thanx a lot for your suuport. Really appreciate that. Citer pasal tunang aku ni, dia bukan jenis orang yang suka jiwang-jiwang…Kalau lama tak jumpa, aku kol pun bukan dia nak cakap lelama. Kengkadang tu sampai kecik ati dengar tone dia bercakap dalam fon, tapi he is actually caring. Very caring. He’s not a guy that knows how to say “I love you”, but he express his love with suprises. Ya Allah, sesungguhnya aku mohon padamu agar hubungan ini berkekakalan hingga akhir hayat.

Actually aku baru dapat tawaran sambung belajar…di UPM jugak. Alhamdulillah.. Tercapai jugak cita-cita aku. Terpaksalah aku berjimat cermat.. Tapi x per. Asalkan aku dapat naikkan taraf hidup ku.

Oklah..terpaksa menamatkan post kali ni. Tak banyak masa terluang. Nak tulis post ni jer makan masa sejam. Pe2hal pun, jumpa di waktu yang lain. -end-

Creless Whispers - Goerge Michael….

Dunno why, but nowadays ny hearts and minds fulls of tunes. Always thinking about music and songs..Huhuhu..What the heck happening to me. However, deep within my heart, i fear bout sumthing. I think that all this tunes are just trying to cover up my phobes…

Here, I present you the lirics of Careless Whisper, an evergreen song that still be hear..hehehe….

Careless Whisper