Just wake up…..

Sometimes, when we in love, the love could make us blind. We cant see the dark side of our partner. We care him, tender him with our love, but when he betray our trust, turn his back from our love, that’s the climax and it feels like a hard slap on our faces. That is the time we started to think, is this the person that we wanted to live with? Wanted to marry and live with? When while in ‘just a friend’ relationship, he already tainted it and put a slat on it? For myself, it is fogiveable but can’t forget.

Reflecting to me, yes, i do love my last relationship. 3 years of  relationship, the sweet and the bitterness is still be remembered. The first man who ever asked me to be his wife, not his girl. But, too much problem, to much differences we have to face. Our point of view, our culture and distances, its been our barrier. And until we both have our own skeleton in the closet, and our perception have both changed, we realised that we both are not meant to be together.

Yes, dear friend. I just can’t hide it anymore. We broke up, (which this will give the opportunity for all whom doesn’t like to see both of us, happy and clapping their hand). It’s really hurt me but i have to hide it. My heart crushed…but that is a fate. Maybe I will got someone much more better than him, and so do him. (which no doubt that he will get a finest girl much more than me).

Thanks to my gubu, from being my brother, slowly have change his reaction to me after my relationship broke up. Try to protect me and try to cheer me up. Make me forget my misery.  Yet, our’s is much more complicated…Both still do not know our feeling, and i’m too afraid to tell him that i started to like him. Please, gubu. Don’t be so kind, cause i’ll fall in love with you. Your tenderness, and your care, is too much for me. But, still, thank you so much for always being here whenever i need you. You’re my sweetheart.

Al Fatihah

Baru balik dari Sitiawan…..Khamis lepas aku amik emergency leave, blk ke Sitiawan tengah malam Rabu tu. Ada urusan keluarga nak diselesaikan. Cadangnye nak cuti sehari jer….tapi hati tu rasa berat sangat nak balik KL jumaat tu…Lepas tgh hari jer, Along balik, aku bertolak balik ke KL. Dalam kul 5 lbh, mak tepon, bgth ayah Yan dah takde.Terus aku patah balik kg. Penatnya tuhan je yang tahu…. :’(

Ayah yan, aku sayang sangat dengan pakcik aku yang sorang ni. Masa mak ngan abah gi Mekah, Mak ngan Ayah Yan yang jaga aku. Aku ingat lagi, dia yang dukung aku masa mak ngan abah pergi Mekah, sampai berpeluh-peluh badan. Sampai kali terakhir aku jumpa dia, dia masih lagi peluk ngan cium aku, macam dia selalu buat 10 tahun yang dulu. Sekarang ni, kalau aku ke Parit, dah takdela orang yg akan sambut aku dengan senyum, peluk cium dia (walaupun aku dah segan sebab dah besar). :’(

Masa pengebumian, aku tahan diri dari menangis, sebab aku tengok abg Nuar tenang jer, along dah menangis, Adak, sampai tak nak tengok sebelum dia dikapankan. Tapi, hanya tuhan yang tahu hati aku masa tu macam nak meletup. Teringat-ingat lagi dia punya senyum, suara dia. Aku redha, kerana aku tahu setiap yang bernyawa pasti akan mati. Muka dia tenang, seolah-olah tidur. Semoga Ayah Yan yang aku sayang, ditempatkan di kalangan orang yang beriman.

AL-FATIHAH!!!

I’m bored!!!!

Though i know sometimes we can’t get what we want to, but i’m still trying to grab it. It just might be still, luck its not beside me….And i will never give it up. I want to be an editor, or journalist. Like my friends, or recreational facilitator, like i used to do. But now, i’m stuck in the office, doing lots and tones  of numbers and figure (which actually i hate the most). Still, i’m trying. Give up is not the best words to face now…Damnit, hope this company will change its fucking sucks management. Really hate hipocrites people. Fuck those stupid *********. Hate them the most. I’m about to burst actually. But, things now that i can only do is be patient, pray until I get a really permanent, good job which suits with my ambition and qualification… Oh, please help me someone…..!!!!

I’m happy though it’s too much!!

I’m not going to continue my ‘junk’ stories for a while. Seems like it stuck in the middle. Got the idea but can’t take it out….

This week is not a good week for me. Starting with my company gave our salary a bit late, which makes me suffer, two days don’t have money to eat, and yesterday, when i want to withdraw my money, the atm machine didn’t withdraw my money, gave me no receipt and deduct my account. Damn, what the hell it is??

I’m really pissed off, feel likes want to kick that ATM machine. Lucky for me as my gubu is with me. Have to use his money first. Uhuhuhu… Really hate that machine.

Saw a pic in one of my friend. Aint shocked with its caption, but feel a bit disgust with a guy. Might be some would wonder who is it but to that ‘guy’, please….Stop disturbing and asking me to go out with you. You can’t be my friend anymore. Cause i really can’t forgive ur behaviour when we use to be a close friend. The thorns hurts me really deep. I just can’t simply let and get it out.

You’re enggege now. I know i used to call you a few months ago, but its just to ask you a few q. Stop saying me ’sombong’. I am, admit that but just with you. Stop being too good, you aint good enough for anyone. Stop putting in friendster you’re single, you’re other girl’s fiancee. Try to admit that, and face it. Don’t be a liar. You’re hypocrite.Your friend can’t see that, but i can coz i know you more than anyone else. Hope that your fiancee don’t regret for choosing you as her future husband.

I dont want to be judgemental, neither prejudice. But your personality makes me to think like that. I dont hate you, but i feel sorry for you. You try to make yourself superior to others, but you fail to impress me. Stop telling others that i am stupid coz i dont want to be your friend anymore, coz i am very happy with my decision. And i really can’t get into your world coz we’re from different world. That’s you have to know.

I happy now, very happy. Though there are some circumstances, i’m facing many problem, but its life. I have my gubu, besides me and always help me whenever i have difficulties, i have my job (thought it still unsatisfied me) and i have my own world. Please, dont ever asked me to go out with you, coz i would not go. im happy and please, dont take it away by your annoying behaviour.